i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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