You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
