Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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