She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
