I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
