I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
