I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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