I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
