I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
