She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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