He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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