Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I did not marry a roomba.
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