Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize