I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
