guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
