she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
