The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
