you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just had sex bonerless
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
