just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
