Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
