I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
