Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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