So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
