yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
