I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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