im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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