As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
