Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize