I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
