the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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