We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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