she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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