Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
