um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
