some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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