my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
