It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
