He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Come see our sink grown plant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
