Can Purell be used as lube?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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