quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
