Don't you send me to vm
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
