your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
