a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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