I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
