God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
