With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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