me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I smell like Dick and happiness
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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