??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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