i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
