I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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