Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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