Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
