I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
