I wish I could teleport
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
