Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
