Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
