they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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