Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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