sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
