Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
