just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
