I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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