First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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