Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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