I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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