I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize