if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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