my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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