So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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