I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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