my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she was so not down for the gang bang
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Randomize
