You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
